Shrek says, “Get up and play,” but finish your Happy Meal first.

As the release of Shrek the Third quickly approaches, the advertising campaigns to market the friendly giant to America’s children are hitting fever pitch. And that’s all fine and good—to a point. What I don’t have a problem with is kids going to see the movie. They should. I think the last two Shrek movies have been enormously funny and entertaining, and as a character, Shrek is extremely affable. But I’m concerned that movie theater seats just aren’t wide enough for all the overweight kids who love Shrek and everything he promotes.

The bone I’m picking here is not with the kids, but with the Ad Council and GSD&M in Austin. Sponsored by the Department of Health and Human services, these two advertising entities launched a series of public service announcements, using the slogan, “Be a Player: Get up and play an hour a day,” urging the more than 10 million obese school age children in the U.S. to get off their asses and do something physical. To the folks at those agencies—which typically put out solid creative work—with all due respect, what the hell were you thinking?

Sure, you had focus groups that proved Shrek was a well-known character in the target population of the “Player” campaign. And that kids will likely listen to what Shrek has to say. But the research ignores the most glaring reality of all: Shrek is a big fat ogre. Austin, we have a strategic problem. And to top all that off with whipped cream and mayonnaise, he’s a big fat ogre who’s being used to promote McDonald’s Happy Meals, Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes, M&M’s, Pop Tarts, Snickers, Sierra Mist, Cheez-Its and Keebler cookies to name a few. Sounds healthy, doesn’t it?

Surely, the Ad Council and GSD&M did their homework and knew these campaigns were in the works. But apparently the public relations opportunities for donating their services outweighed (pun intended) the aforementioned strategic problem and the inherent conflicts of interest.

So kids, listen to Shrek (like the focus groups proved you would do): Binge and purge. Stuff yourselves until you’re green in the face. And after you finish gorging yourself on that bowl of French fries and Fruit Loops, put down your Sega Game Gear from 1991 (seriously, that’s what the kid is playing at the beginning of the TV spot) and get up and play. That is, if you can move. And boys, don’t forget: be a player.